April Fools Edition
HBN has learned that at the May meeting of the National Organic Standards Board, the Obama Department of Agriculture (USDA) will announce that some polyvinyl chloride products (also known as PVC or vinyl) will soon carry the USDA Organic label. The designation will be granted to products that have been certified as made from vinyl, a combination of "common salt . . . and . . . natural gas.”
Vinyl will be the first non-agricultural product to earn the coveted designation, taking advantage of a little known loophole in the law that apparently does not restrict the label to agricultural products, but makes it available to all “products” made from at least 95% organic “ingredients.”
Vinyl Association President Don B. Fulde welcomed the decision: “Our member companies have long maintained that ours is essentially a natural product – common salt combined with natural gas, which is essentially a series of carbon and hydrogen atoms, in other words, decomposed plant matter. Now we have a label that confirms this.”
The association brushed aside concerns that the extra expense of green certification could be disadvantageous to products prized for their low cost. “Organic vinyl may cost a few pennies more, but we believe that consumers are willing to pay more for the reassurance of a green label,” said Vice President for Marketing, Beau Gustorey.
This is truly a date to remember.